We’ve all experienced it. It starts with a few tingles here and there, and before you know it, you feel like you are unable to function well without the other person. But regardless of how much you give and how little you take, some relationships just aren’t meant to last.
Sadly, these failures, these heartaches, have caused so many people to lose their way and end up feeling vulnerable, depressed, and hopeless.
Why do relationships go bad? Why do the good times have to end?
Here are some of the most common reasons.
They say everybody has some sort of emotional baggage in one way or another, and I’m inclined to believe that this is true. Every single one of us have been through something in the past that has had great impact on us, causing us to change the way we think, act and feel.
It could be a past heartbreak, or issues relating to your childhood. It could be a family feud or simply a series of promises being broken. No matter what it’s about, emotional baggage could stop any relationship from being a good one.
After the honeymoon stage is over, one could start remembering his or her biases. You may feel fear that an old boyfriend’s bad habits would start surfacing in this new romance, or that the same promises an old girlfriend broke would be the same promises this current one would break.
From here, it’s a downward spiral. Once that fear and paranoia kicks in, you will start feeling suspicious, causing the other person to become secretive or overly sensitive. This would kill the trust altogether, shattering the very foundation of the relationship.
Criticism and Judgment
When you first fall in love with a person, you’ll notice only the good things. You feel that the other person is perfect, and whatever small flaw you see will be chalked up as something minor, something tolerable.
But as time goes by, things may start to change. Those small habits you used to think were adorable will suddenly irritate you. From here, you’ll start complaining a lot and end up criticizing all the time. And this is not just something that could happen from your end. There’s also a good chance that the other person would start feeling the same way.
Unless the two of you start to rekindle that initial excitement and acceptance, you’ll only end up alienating each other until you can no longer stand to be in each other’s presence.
Early Physical Contact
Believe it or not, being too physical too fast (before marriage) can have long-term effects on a relationship. A relationship that lasts requires time for its foundations to be built. There has to be a strong emotional connection first that is not produced through physical contact. Strong healthily mental ties (through similar values) could also help cement this foundation.
Sure, you just may have some sexual energy as the relationship grows seriously (like engagement or a closer time to a wedding date). But this does not mean you should be jumping into it.
The moment things get physical, the emotional and mental issues will automatically be brushed aside. And once you wake up one day realizing that the other person does not turn you on any longer, it might be too late to build an emotional connection.
Lack of Communication
Ironically, the previous reasons discussed can also be tied to this single problem – the lack of communication. When two people in a relationship stop talking, the foundation also starts crumbling.
This is why you’ll find that some couples you thought were doing okay, suddenly break up. Some people may even seem like they’re quiet people, but if their silence is caused by them not talking at all, then there’s nothing much in the relationship to fight for.
When both individuals are vocal about your feelings, problems can be resolved more easily. None of you are psychics, hopefully. You can’t expect the other person to guess how you’re feeling in the same way that you can’t guess what they’re thinking at any given moment. Speak openly and also open up the opportunity to find solutions.
Too Much Pride
The root of most breakups, having too much pride, will only cause you to close your eyes and your mind to how the other person feels and what they have to say. People with too much pride will always think about their own reputation, their own feelings, and their own emotions.
It would probably be safe to say that pride and selfishness go hand in hand. After all, the mere fact that you would choose to be right all the time or refuse to admit that you’re wrong means that you hold your own reputation as your top priority.
When it comes to dishonesty, cheating tops the list. A lot of people somehow find the need to fill up any insecurities they have by seeking for approval from another person. Sometimes, it’s because of frustrations brought about by the relationship itself.
Of course, the rule should always be simple – if things are not turning out okay, work on restoring it. If it cannot be restored, then break it off instead of jumping off and looking for somebody else to accept you without ending the previous relationship first.
But then again, just because you did not cheat does not mean that you’re free from the responsibilities that come with dishonesty. Lying to your partner or keeping important things to yourself also qualifies as dishonesty.
No matter how good things seem to be going, there are always a lot of risks that lead to the end of a relationship. But you know what? Every couple has their own share of problems. It’s ultimately up to you. Will you let it go, or will you fight for it?
Relationships are hard work. It means acceptance without judgment and forgiveness without remorse. It means remembering the love and seeing it as more important than all the flaws and faults.
So what’s it going to be? Are you going to end it, or will you choose to be one of those people who will take their relationship to the next level despite bad circumstances and faults?
Well, that part is for you to decide. But you’d better make a wise and sober decision on who you will allow to occupy your space and time this year.